I’m not a talker… I’m more of a listener. Recently, during a spiritual direction session, I and the spiritual director (S.D.) just sat in silence. I’m just… well… trying to anticipate a question or a response from what I just said earlier. I was expecting him to talk.
We spent 5 minutes in an uncomfortable silence without talking.
Then my director got his notebook, turned the pages, then read what he wrote about our previous session. He expected me to be the one to talk! Closing the notebook, he followed that he encourages me to pause so I can reflect carefully.
This is not the first time that it happened to me. Before religious life, it was during courtship and dating. Now, it is during a spiritual direction.
That’s why last Tuesday, I told my S.D. that I really found the silence uncomfortable and I will tell him whenever I expect him to talk or comment when I’m finished talking. Like tennis, I serve then you hit the ball back to me. But in a spiritual direction, I need to ask whenever the “ball” is on my court because I don’t usually see it.
Have you experienced this uncomfortable silence?
Whenever I am with people I am not really close with, yes, I have experienced that. But with kins and very close friends, I understand and welcome the silence.
Maybe it’s just hard when you’re supposed to talk in my given context.