Not-so-random thoughts and feelings

• When I open the fridge out of compulsion looking for something, though I know there’s nothing inside, I think to myself “I’m just searching for God.”
• Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder why I chose this kind of life; to live a consecrated life.
• During a Lenten Retreat in Tagaytay last 2015, I told my spiritual director that it doesn’t matter where I am or what kind of life I am living; for as long as I know that God will still continue to be at my side, I’m okay. He replied that I am not far from the kingdom of God.
• I’m just on my late 20s. I don’t know if I’m in crisis or depression but I just know I get too emotional about little things. Just like the lyrics of a song, I wonder why everything seems so heavy.
• I feel so emotional but it’s not coming out; it’s trapped inside. It’s like keeping a straight face.
• I was so active in Facebook when I finished my novitiate except this year. I was able to browse all my posts on my profile this year with a few scroll.
• I wan’t to hide yet I post a lot in Twitter. Then, I want to be seen too?
• I feel like Lazarus buried in a tomb but I rolled the stone myself to hide.
• When I am weeping, does God really weep with me?
• As I hit rock-bottom, will the floor cave in?
• Writing this, I remember Nicodemus in the night time asking questions about faith and being “born again”.
• Will I ever hear Jesus calling me to come out too?
• I can’t think of anything to write about in essay form so I just used bullets.
• I created a Spotify playlist entitled The Dark Night of the Soul
• Thanks for reading.