A journey inward

Now, school year 2016-2017 is over. Wohoo!

Since I promised in my previous post that I will talk about my teaching experience, I will try to do it here without any specific topic in mind. That means free-writing.

When I’m not writing, I’m reading the writings of my students. I as their teacher asks my students in class to practice being reflective through writing. I, as their Values Education teacher, encourage my students to touch their introspective side. And for them to do this, they must learn how to be silent. In these times that these teenagers are in (and for us adults sometimes too), it is hard for them to let them sit for hours.

But I know my students are all capable of spending time in silence. I’ve witnessed it during their recollection where they were asked by our campus ministry directress, ma’am Che, to sit down in silence, close their eyes, and imagine themselves walking through nature and encounter people close to their hearts. On the part where they encounter their parents in their imaginative journey, when the students were asked to feel how their parents are struggling in earning a living just for them to study in a good school and be provided with their own needs, it made them weep. It may be pity or guilt that they felt whenever they get mad whenever they request something and their parents refuse to provide them; those times when they fail to appreciate the goodness of their parents towards them. That time, they were able to get in touch with their own experiences and relationship with their family especially their parents. They were able to do it because it was a recollection and they really spent time in silence.

Going back to my students’ reflective writing activities, I discovered that it is not easy for some to spend time for reflection when it comes to writing. But I am happy that at least they are trying. I even encourage students to write in Tagalog if they’re having a hard time writing in English. But there are some who won’t really bother and try to even write essays. Ah, your patience, Allen!

So in the same manner, I as their teacher must practice being reflective. And I will do it through web logging. And here, I did it by just writing about my students. Woo!

Whenever I talk in front of the class, I lecture through story telling. Usually, the subject is my own life experiences and stories of people whom I have known personally. Honestly speaking, I am a such a bore in retelling stories of others when I have just read or heard them somewhere in books, web, magazine articles, or even podcasts I am listening to. Even the jokes that seems funny to me, when I retell them, because too corny.

Now that I have stopped following any television shows or anime series, my watching habit of watching basketball games has gone up because of our access to cable in our convent. I consume more time in doing unproductive things such as watching games or highlights when I really want to do is to be creative like writing, composing poems and stories, polish my handwriting (which my student said was poor), capture more photographs, play basketball or chess, or learn how to draw better.

Maybe sometimes, I will consciously spend time to feel boredom and not seek constant stimulation. But I know it will either be productive or unproductive. I need to choose the former though.

Postscript: I will be spending a week in Malaybalay, Bukidnon for the Annual Lenten Retreat of Marist Brothers here in the Philippines. I am part of the Liturgy Committee and an assistant secretary during the Provincial’s time (meeting). Within the week, we Brothers will discover our Summer assignments and our next community and ministry assignment for the next school year. And during the Easter vigil, I will renew my vows. If you want to ask me to pray for me, just write a comment below or reach me out in the Contact Form. Please pray for me too.


The courage to cry


I’m back!

Since my blogging pledge is one post a month, I just realized yesterday that I skipped two months. And to be officially back, I must post this entry with my original style of blogging: freewriting.

I just came back from facilitating a recollection and I am satisfied with what had transpired with the prayer, reflection, and sharing. We still used the Lenten Theme just like the previous batch last Saturday. In the sharing and reflection this morning, I listened to stories of frustrations, hang ups, and lessons in the midst of sufferings. Again, I shared. I disclosed to them that it’s as if I got to review my life while I was listening to them. I must admit that I lost focus in the midst of the sharing because their stories reminded me of my stories. Different experiences, same feelings. When it was my turn, I know that they were listening to my story because they were reacting and they are breaking the rules of being silent while someone is sharing! Anyway, we know each other since they too are teachers. I won’t be sharing their stories because it might appear as a gossip and that’s not really my style. Remember I got accused of being a gossiper? 

I shared to them that I am a bit frustrated with myself this school year in terms of reaching out to other teachers. I got enclosed with my table in the Campus Ministry and my personal office here in the convent (which is inside the school too). I was deprived of not having a table in the faculty room. Though there were hindrances, it shouldn’t be my excuse but my motivation to strive more to reach out. I shared to them that I got so used with being alone that I even learn news when it’s too late. One of the news I learned too late is when I was called out in Facebook. I was called names, boxed with labels, a gossiper, and a people pleaser (the only accusation which I somehow agree upon). I was able to face Agnus (not his real name) and had a confrontation where I was crying most of the time. I went to see him and talk to him because I got a problem with him. That’s only to find out that it was more beneficial to him than to me. And that’s a great thing. It was therapeutic for both of us. There was healing. That’s love in action as Jesus taught us to do: love our enemies. This is something unheard of outside Christianity. An absurd thing to do. But that’s what love really is; like the sun shining or the rain falling on the good and bad alike. 

While I was sharing these realizations (not all of this in exact verbatim but most of it are additional details), I was teary eyed and my voice cracking. So I said that instead of holding back tears, I need to cry more often. Cry when I got hurt; cry because of injustice​; cry because I need to do something so bad I will do everything whatever it takes; or, cry when someone is crying too. Though I’m a man, to paraphrase Frankl, I will cry because it is the courageous thing to do: to face my own suffering. 

I am tired now. It’s already midnight. I’ll continue this tomorrow.

Good mornight!

How to read Catholic books in three months?

I bought all these books (no, most of them) in a span of 10 months and I haven’t even finished one of them.

You’ll notice that all of them (except the two text books on the bottom) are Catholic books.

None of them are novels; some are collection of essays, reference materials, or devotional books. I cannot just read them on one or two sittings. I want to finish reading them all before the end of March. 

I don’t know if I can achieve my goal. But I’ll update and see if I can even write reviews of each of them. So please pray for me and I implore too the intercession of our Doctor Saints, especially St. Thomas Aquinas. 

Let’s do this!

The Best Catholic Podcasts of 2016

I posted a very dense movie review/self-reflection last night. I numbered and arranged them into 40 paragraphs. I’m inspired of writing another review on another topic. As I am typing this, I am listening to History of the Bible podcast via iTunes wherein the host, Garry Stevens, invited a guest from History of Papacy, Steve Guerra. They were talking about the Book of Revelation.  I have to admit I disagree with most of what they are saying like the anonymity of the gospel writers or the use of the term “Son of Man”. Though that’s the case, I have to admire their interest on the Bible. I don’t really know who they are but by listening to them, I can tell that they know a lot. Probably they are biblical scholars or just plain blokes who happen to read books and studies on biblical criticism.

I am mostly spending now my nights listening to podcasts as an alternate to the radio and music in Spotify. I started this habit last April when I was assigned in Bukidnon for the summer. I had not access to television and computers so armed with an Android phone and a stable internet connection, I downloaded Podcast Addict on Google Play. I haven’t tried Stitcher yet but I heard it’s a good app for non-Apple users like me.

I would like to share some my favorite podcasts last 2016.

  1. Bishop Robert Barron’s Sermons: I knew about Bishop Barron from the documentary Catholicism by Word On Fire, a media ministry initially based in Chicago now in Los Angeles when he became the auxiliary bishop. Here he shares sermons on the Sunday Readings. Delivered passionately, he engages the listener to reflect on the Readings and connects them to the daily lives of the faithful. He’s a doctor in its literal sense: a teacher.
  2. Busted Halo Show: Though I haven’t seen Fr. Dave Dwyer yet, upon listening to this podcast for some time, he sure is a jolly priest. He lives up to the tagline, “Faith Shared Joyfully”. He even invites the listeners to ask him questions during the show and there you constantly hear him laugh out loud.
  3. Catholic Inspiration: This is part of the ministry of Fr. Andrew Ricci, rector of the Cathedral of Christ the King in Superior, Wisconsin. A soft spoken priest, I remember listening to him deliver a homily with kids talking with him on the background. That episode was so cool.
  4. Divine Intimacy: This show is the first ever podcast I subscribed to. With Dan Burke of EWTN and co-host Melissa Elson, we hear then talk about Catholic teachings, interior life, contemplation, meditation, spiritual direction, prayer, and path to holiness. If those terms are too technical or just new to you, don’t worry ’cause they explain them in their past episodes.
  5. Pints With Aquinas: Done by Matt Fradd of Restored Integrity, he invites us to sit and drink some pints of beer with the Angelic Doctor, St. Thomas Aquinas, and talk about medieval philosophy and Summa Theologia. Thank you Matt for introducing me to your sister Emma’s music and her band, Heaps Good Friends.
  6. The Word On Fire Show: With the host and content director Brandon Vogt, we again encounter Bishop Barron talk more on a conversational tone about faith and culture. You may even submit your questions to him through a audio recording via AskBishopBarron.com.

If you’re curious to try them out, feel free to click the links I embedded on them. Some of them directs to the podcast and others to their websites. Don’t worry, they are virus-free.

And if you happen to know other Catholic evangelizers hosting podcast, feel free to comment them.

Seklusyon: Movie Review

  1.  Happy Feast of Epiphany! I wrote this because someone asked for my opinion about watching Seklusyon, an entry in the 2016 Metro Manila Film Festival. If you haven’t watched the film yet, do not read yet because this contain spoilers.
  2. I used the word “seklusyon” to refer to the one-week phase that deacons must undergo in the film. I discussed some church doctrines (e.g. teachings about sin and fallen angels) and how the film stirred me (this means a lot of digressions). I’m more of a catechist than a theologian and I am amateur in both disciplines though. Besides, I was just eager to eat my free popcorn (thank you Br. Dean).
  3. The film was set on a post-WWII Philippine period. It starts with a deacon named Miguel. He is seen confessing his sins with a priest. Just before he finishes the confession, the priest asked him whether he still has something more to confess. It seems that he’s keeping some secret to himself. And yes, he keeps an embarrassing secret that we will learn later on when he’s on the secluded house already.
  4. A little bit of doctrine: Non-Catholics (or even Catholics too) might be asking why is there a need to confess one’s sins to a priest. The basic teaching of the Church on sin is that it “separates” one from God, himself, from others. Sin is not just a private matter; it also affects the community. And the Church is one big community. As the representative of this one big community, the Church, the priest is given the authority to hear confessions and absolve sins (i.e. to correct and sinner and reconnect him to the church). The last question of the priest in the film reminded me of un-confessed sins:
    1. sins of omissions (i.e. sins done when he should have done something but didn’t do like ignoring a beggar);
    2. sins that we forget to confess about when we are already in front (or side) of the priest; and,
    3. sins that we deceitfully hide from the priest because we are embarrassed to tell them (which Miguel did).
  5. During a confession, confessee must be mindful of this sins. Otherwise, we are again reenacting what Adam and Eve did when they hid from the Lord in the garden (Gen. 3:8).
  6. I thought that the seklusyon is like the Call of Moses or the Flight of Elijah to Horeb where they were lead to the wilderness and there encounter an angel. But instead of encountering God’s messenger, Miguel and the rest would encounter another kind of “angel”. I almost forgot to mention that Miguel was told by his confessor that the seklusyon is for him to be protected from demons since their attack is at its peak when a deacon is due for ordination. Whether it is a spiritual or physical attack, it was not mentioned how the demons would be able to do that to Miguel.
  7. When Miguel arrives to the secluded house where he would be staying for a week, he asked Sandoval the caretaker why there’s a need to lock the gate. Miguel was told that it’s not to prevent outsiders to enter but rather to prevent the deacons inside from escaping the house. Recalling this dialogue, it made me think that sin is also a “seclusion”. Sin doesn’t only “separate” one from God, himself, and from others; it too “secludes”. Miguel is later joined by other deacons who like him is undergoing the seclusion.
  8. We now encounter a WWII-veteran priest, Ricardo, who investigates a miracle worker, Anghela, and Sister Cecilia. At first, I thought she was a boy because her face looks masculine to me. This girl is seen wearing a “crown”, an allusion that this miracle worker is a fraud. Though she can really heal, her power seems anomalous. And whenever she heals, she vomits a blood-like ooze from her mouth. I will discuss these symbolisms later.
  9. Of all the characters in the film, I can easily relate to the role played by the priest investigator. Just like the priest, I too am a “doubter” of miracle works, faith healers, and private revelations. I am a “revert” to Catholicism. Probably, the investigator was already a priest during the war but I am not too sure of that. He suspects that the Sister was corrupting the poor girl to perform miracles for profit.
  10.  One night, the parents of Anghela were murdered, forcing the poor girl to seek shelter with Cecilia following her. When I saw the dead bodies on the stretchers, I recalled the victims of extrajudicial killings here in the country (I even blurted nanlaban). Maybe that’s just my perception. They are then assigned to seek shelter to the place where the seklusyon is on-going. Sandoval, being a strict caretaker/retreat master, don’t want them to enter as they would interrupt the seklusyon. But since they got an authorization letter from the bishop, Sandoval got not choice but to let them in. Besides, it’s night time.
  11. The priest-investigator goes to the bishop and tell about what he thinks of the miracle worker and the sister helping her. There seems to be an anomaly regarding her healing powers and the shady character of sister. The bishop rebuked Father Ricardo to back off and stay away from them. I was disturbed by this scene. I perceive it as uncharitable and unfraternal. It seems that it happened to me before when I did some investigating myself. You search for the truth but they attack you by asking what’s your intention. When the authority wants to silence you, it seems the reaction is to dig deeper and search further. It’s like investigative journalism, isn’t it? Ricardo then proceeds with his investigation by going to the former convent of Cecilia.
  12. Going back to the seklusyon, Miguel met three fellow deacons during a meal. The caretaker told them that that would be the only time they would talk to each other as the seklusyon needs to be done in silence and prayer. Miguel would then receive paper notes from his fellow deacon’s adjacent room, the message translated as “I cannot take it anymore”. Every night, Miguel would be receiving notes from the other room.
  13. I now notice that it is always dark throughout the film, a hint that gives that this film is a noir instead of a pious or religious film. Or maybe it is just that it is set on the late 1940s.
  14. When they go back to their respective bed quarters, we will see each one haunted by their “inner demons” or their repressed issues in life (Demons by Imagine Dragons plays on my head). Miguel by his ex-girlfriend, Erina; Fabian by his mentally-deranged mother; Carlo by his two younger brothers whom he deprived of food; and Marco by some kids wanting to play with him (a poorly written character, I guess). Their catharsis had “incarnated”. What they have escaped are haunting them.
  15. Miguel probably skipped confessing his previous affair with Erina, whom he got impregnated. On the secluded house, he is now haunted by her when she manifested through the image of the Our Lady of Peñafrancia. Among all the scenes, this shocked and scared me a lot.
  16. True Story: I too had my episodes with my “inner demons” (but not like what happened to the deacons!). Before I entered the novitiate last 2012, the start of religious/consecrated life, my “inner demons” started to haunt me. It seems like I don’t want to continue my vocation as a brother anymore. I wanted to go home. Before I entered the Marist Brothers, I was escaping my restlessness brought by spiritual dryness, the “rat race”, and my brokenheartedness. In other words, want to escape practical atheism, working, and being an N.G.S.B. (No girlfriend since birth). Another reason is that I had this sense of obligation to help my parents retire easily by helping them financially and being present in our house. Talking with my postulancy director, Br. Dem; with Br. Jeff Rhey, my accompaniteur; and with my spiritual directress, Sr. Jenen, O.P., I was assured that what I was going through was normal. It was up to me to decide freely whether to accept the call of becoming a Marist Brother or not. So I wrote my application letter to the Brother Provincial and said I would like to enter the novitiate. This formation stage is the true seclusion. Two years of it, actually. Every year that I renew my vows, I take time to reflect on these previous motivations and my present motivations.
  17. Going back to the film, the silent atmosphere of the seklusyon was interrupted when the two guests arrived. The character of Anghela is now revealed as a trickster and someone who was supernatural powers with her being able to read people’s mind. We now learn that Sandoval was a former priest who was stripped off his sacerdotal ministry. The next day, the caretaker then decides to do “something” he was planning to do for a long time. He now leaves the house and the scared deacons under the care of Anghela and Cecilia.
  18. The priest-investigator, driving with his vintage car, goes to the former community of Cecilia, and received a cold treatment from the mother superior. We are presented with a cynical sister and a helpless bedridden patient. Not wanting to give him directly the answers he is seeking, she cryptically said that he will found out everything he wanted to know about Cecilia on a compiled files of documents she hands out to the priest. She tells him to just read. He then goes to the barrios and probes those whom Anghela had healed. The priest learned later on that these people are already “worshiping” (the term used in the film, not mine) a tree dedicated to Anghela by bringing some flowers as offerings. The scene was like a reenactment of the Israelites worshiping the golden calf (Exodus 32:1-29). Upon learning this sacrilege, the priest-investigator later approaches the bishop to report this.
  19. Of all the characters, I am most curious about Anghela and Cecilia. With her powers, it seems that both or one of them is not a normal human person. With the help of Ricardo’s investigative skills, we now learn that Cecilia was raped during the war and had a burnt scar on her face. It was Anghela who healed her. It was not clear to me how it happened, but all I know was that Cecilia left the convent and joined Anghela in her healing ministry. Anghela has an alter ego named NgaHela (like Smeagol and Gollum of LoTR). I don’t know what it means but it seems evil. Now we know where Anghela got her powers. She is not just a human. She was an angel.
  20. True story: I am fascinated by angels. In fact, I myself have seen an apparition of an angel when I was still a child. I know this is not a make-believe because I was not the only one who saw the angel. I was playing with my cousins and was riding a push cart when we noticed the angel. When I saw the angel, I think I didn’t even know what an angel was. The angel was up there in the sky, using a formation of clouds as corporeal body. It seemed alive though the cloud was slowly fading. I can’t remember how long we stared at the angel. I think we were worn down in looking up before the angel disappeared. I was still in kindergarten that time so the year would be last 1994.
  21. I would quote in full what the New American Bible commentary says about angels:

    Hebrew mal’ak or “messenger” is regularly translated angelos by the Septuagint, from which the English word “angel” is derived, but the Hebrew term lacks connotations now popularly associated with “angel” (such as wings). Although angels frequently assume human form (cf. Gn 1819), the term is also used to indicate the visual form under which God occasionally appeared and spoke to people, referred to indifferently in some Old Testament texts either as God’s “angel,” mal’ak, or as God.

  22. Fallen angels are not angels anymore. To be an angel means to be a messenger of God. Since they have rejected God, a fallen angel is called a devil which means slanderer or the one who hurls. Islam would also believe that fallen angels rebelled against God. The last book of the bible has depicted about this “fall”  (Revelations 12:9, NAB). Jesus too referred to this “fall” when He mentioned to His disciples, “I observed Satan fall like lightning falling from the sky” (Luke 10:18, NAB). How of why they rebelled, that is mystery for me.
  23. Angels are pure spirits. Though they do not have a material body, it is possible for them to manifest in forms which we humans can see. Devils, as fallen angels, are still capable of doing that. Anghela is the manifestation of the Devil in human form.
  24. When Ricardo realizes the true identity of Anghela/NgaHela, he then decides to tell the bishop. They were then interrupted by Sandoval holding a gun and aims at Ricardo. Instead, he shoots the head of the bishop. I am now confused. Why did Sandoval did that? Was is grudge against the bishop? Was it because he wanted Ricardo to quickly solve the matter by killing the bishop and letting Ricardo exorcise the little girl? I think I’m getting the scenes mixed up now. I might need to watch a prequel or director’s cut of this film.
  25. Ricardo now rushes towards the seklusyon area. He now confronts NgaHela by and battles her by performing an exorcism. But she’s too powerful.
  26. From Anghela’s lips, we learn of her longing for a long time to meet Miguel, his father(?). She hugs Miguel tight. Miguel then lets her hug him.
  27. When all of them inside the house realizes the true identity of Anghela and was tempted and lured to trust this girl/devil, they partake into an anti-Eucharistic celebration in the chapel with Anghela as their priestess. This is an anti-Eucharist as it contrasts the self-giving of Jesus (Luke 22:19-20, NAB). NgaHela now draws the deacons to herself by giving them this dark liquid, which effectively lets them become her own servants. The chalice now contains the black ooze which Anghela vomits whenever she heals. She is now wearing the dead bishop’s mitre on her head.
  28. The deacons now drink the cup. When it was Miguel’s turn, he spits up the liquid and runs away from the house. Outside, we see Ricardo’s charred(?) body. He runs further towards the woods, stumbled, and hit his head on a big rock.
  29. The next scenes was a blur too. It’s like Inception. Was Miguel just lucidly dreaming? Or was he dead? For the sake of this review, he’s not dead yet (sorry, I am not too sure of this since I just watched the film once).
  30. After the concussion, we now see lots of flashbacks from Miguel’s perspective. We see Erina writing letters addressed to Miguel. We learn that the paper notes that Miguel was reading every night was not from his fellow deacon but from Erina herself. Erina was pregnant and Miguel is the father. And since she cannot take it anymore (first paper note), she hangs herself on a tree. We then see a fetus went out from her split womb and splashed towards the ground. And this child, it seems, was Anghela. Wait… what?! I might be wrong with this but I was mind blown.
  31. I am reminded of this of one issue of Trese, I learned about an urban legend known as the tiyanak. Sorry, I’m using fiction now. From this issue, we hear of unwanted babies turning into freak creatures. Going back to the film, I’m speculating that the Devil used the unborn baby of Miguel and Erina to manifest corporeally.
  32. Now we know that Anghela is truly a personified Devil, it is not clear to me how the Devil got a body of Anghela. It is possible that it is from the dead baby of Miguel’s pregnant ex-girlfriend Erina who committed suicide by hanging herself as what we saw in Miguel’s dream.
  33. Fast forward. Miguel now engages with a battle with NgaHela by invoking the intercession of St. Michael, the Archangel who defeated Satan. Now we know why Miguel got his name. It means “Who can compare with God?”. We are now left with a crying helpless Anghela pleading for her life. The last resort for Miguel was to kill NgaHela by stabbing the child in the heart. When Miguel lifted her to the table for him to stab, it reminds us of the biblical scene of Abraham who would offer his beloved son, Isaac, as a holocaust (Genesis 22:1-19, NAB). Since its a battle between good and evil, the fitting scene would be Michael defeating Satan (Revelation 12:7-8, NAB). Look for the iconic logo of Ginebra San Miguel gin bottle and see the great Fernando Amorsolo‘s artwork. If she was indeed Miguel’s child, she is now killed twice. Miguel now finally escapes the house and leaves his fellow deacons and Cecilia.
  34. Keep in mind that it is not a good idea to engage in dialogue with the Devil. Eve and Adam failed on this as they were deceived and tempted to listen to their own passions.  The devil will not mess up with the lives of people unless people invite them to. So my advice for kids out there is to never try playing the Ouija board. Do not even dare.
  35. On the scene where the remaining deacons were seen prostrating in circle, it reminded me of the three faces of Satan, the inverted Trinity in Dante Alighieri’s Inferno. We viewers know that these three deacons are not worthy to become priests. We know they would become future child abusers, womanizers, and gluttons.
  36. This scene reminded me the movie Spotlight where one of the characters said that if it takes on village to raise up a child, it takes up a whole city to abuse a child. If only we viewers were formators of these young men or simple parishioners who know the deacons, how would we prevent them from their wrong doings? We could have recommended them not to continue on their ordination and prevent them from becoming problematic priests.
  37. A plot hole? Cecilia was still wearing her religious garb during the ordination. Isn’t she exclaustrated from her congregation or just taking a leave of absence from her religious community? Or just started a new community on her own? Still curious what will happen to her after Anghela died.
  38. Going back to the ordination, we recall NgaHela saying that she would like to scatter her priest-followers inside the Church (Magisterium) so that the faithful would have a hard time distinguishing the impostors from the real pastors. The Devil might have deceived Miguel, his fellow deacons, and Cecilia that when Anghela died, the Devil will cease to exist. This is a lie because as pure spirit, the Devil is incorruptible.
  39. Just like what I’ve read from other film reviews, I would agree that the real horror of Seklusyon is not on the shocking scenes but rather the reality it opens to us viewers: that the Devil exists in our midst. The Devil might be tempting you or giving you false consolations. He might be working through our leaders. Because in the midst of power, wealth, or pleasure, the Devil is there.
  40. But the apostle Peter exhorts us to, “be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith” (1 Peter 5:8, NAB). Remember the Lord’s promise to us when he said we can drive out demons in his name (Mark 16:17, NAB)? Take courage, friends, for Jesus have conquered the world (John 16:33, NAB). Besides, as the name of Miguel suggests, who can compare with God? Jeez, that sounds preachy.

Other resources on angels:

Education for life (A Morning conversation)

This morning meal, we talked about education in the Philippines and in other countries with topics such as alternative learning system, giving assignments and examinations, and play. Our current Department of Education Secretary Leonor Briones has in her agenda the alternative learning system. This is encouraging to some students in our country since not all students are geared towards formal education and not every high school graduates are suited to enter college.

Currently, if the cumulative grade of a student reaches 60, the student is given a passing grade of 75. It seems that this move of the previous secretary Br. Luistro Armin, a La Sallian Brother, is geared towards mass promotion of the students so they can graduate in high school.

Though I know it’s important to focus on our high school students (since our country is dominated by the millennial population with a median age of 23 years old), I hope that educators and lawmakers would consider the program we give to our children below 10 years old. Like in Finland and Japan, they tweaked their preschool and primary level with lots of play and exploration for kids and no assignments and examinations.

For parents, I hope that they wouldn’t spoil their kids by giving them smartphones and tablets at an early age so kids can enjoy their childhood outdoors and with their playmates.

How about you, what do you think about your country’s education?

Pondering all these stress in my heart

Oh how events turn out after I wrote a post this morning. It was like a peaceful rainy weekend until the weather shifted into a weekday storm. While preparing my daily lesson “struggle” plan, someone called me just to see in a Facebook post that I was publicly reviled and I don’t even know what was the reason. I. Was. Stunned. I don’t know how to react about this that I cried for a while and just stayed in a state of shock the whole morning (I haven’t cried like that for decades!). 

Later, the not so expected happened. Agnus (a fictitious name) sent me a message request to confront me since we are not “friends”. Of course, to get both our sides, I accepted. I was called a not-so-good name. I was told to act better because I was a psychology degree holder. It turned out to be a “I’m okay, you’re not okay” game. Agnus won because I let Agnus win. 

But I admired that Agnus was exerting effort to become tamer as we exchange messages. Is it because it was pointless to argue with me in the first place? Because I was not really arguing or defending myself? Because Agnus thought I was denying? 

I still said sorry for not knowing what I should be sorry for. Though I was treated uncharitably, I tried to be fraternal as possible in my approach. That’s because I will never play as a victim. Pardon for being cryptic here.

Though I’m not in the mood to eat lunch, I ate. Maybe because of the stress, I was able to focus and make a week long lesson plan. I was really out of focus that I forgot that our class should be in the gymnasium for the outreach program. What an exhausting effort it was to show a smile in front of my students only to change into a sorrowful mood when I turn my head when no one’s looking. My consolation is to be able to share my sorrow to one teacher, who knows Agnus, though that was in a middle of an outreach program this afternoon. For the second time in my life, I felt what it’s like to receive a bad news during a festive day. 

Looking at my students’ clumsy way of involving kids to play in the gymnasium and seeing the kids have fun, I was able to somehow defocus from the “curses” I received. 

I was out of focus the whole day. But I did it prayerfully; pondering all these stress in my heart. When I joined our night prayers in the chapel, we have the usual examen where we recited the Confiteor afterwards. And it just so happened that we prayed Psalm 86, a lament of David. Oh the feels when we were reciting that. Too bad my fellow brothers doesn’t have a clue about my personal stuggle this day. Night prayers are always about letting go and letting God work. And here I am, this writing is my way of letting go.