The last post I had was an emotional one. I was feeling that way for a long time that I just want to let it out. I haven’t told anyone yet about my struggles this year. Knowing me well, I start to be in touch with those kinds of emotions when I am alone. At least I have the time to feel sorrow when I could have just feel numb by binge-watching on a television series.
As I have written before, this semester is a busy one. I’m just lucky that this Thursday morning, I have no classes to teach I might as well spend it in writing this post. Once I’m done with this, I’ll be back checking papers to clear out pending tasks. At least I have the time to even focus on checking them though I rush a bit at times.
I read somewhere that we experience certain kinds of “deaths” in life. There’s something in me that’s needs dying so probably that’s what I am experiencing right now. I am blessed to even take a pause in between the busyness. At least I have the time to experience different “deaths”.
I wanted to finish reading a book. I started reading The Fellowship of the Ring by Tolkien and Sacred Fire by Ronald Rolheiser but I can’t get past Chapter 2. But at least I have time to write about wanting to finish reading them.
I bought those books when I travelled to Marikina twice last June and July. I have a home visit last June 20 to 25 and co-facilitated in the Coaching Module of MAPAC last July 8 to 15. It is good to just spend a while with your family; and, it is good to meet new people who shows passion for sports and education. I am blessed to have the time for family visit and co-facilitate in developing coaching skills every year.
Maybe, when I look back, I will just laugh at myself for acting the way I am reacting now. Like the song of Urbandub’s Soul Searching says, choose life. As for me, I choose to spend time thanking God for all the blessings I received despite the hardships.
I bought all these books (no, most of them) in a span of 10 months and I haven’t even finished one of them.
You’ll notice that all of them (except the two text books on the bottom) are Catholic books.
None of them are novels; some are collection of essays, reference materials, or devotional books. I cannot just read them on one or two sittings. I want to finish reading them all before the end of March.
I don’t know if I can achieve my goal. But I’ll update and see if I can even write reviews of each of them. So please pray for me and I implore too the intercession of our Doctor Saints, especially St. Thomas Aquinas.
Need to release this reflections before the internet slows down.
Last week here in MAPAC, I have two choices of modules to attend: ecology or artwork. I chose the latter. For the record, the last time I pushed a pencil and a paintbrush was when I was ten years old.
This week, I have an erratic schedule because of my part-time teaching load, spiritual direction to Ateneo (more on that next post), and this art module. Anyway, I’m not a teenager anymore having problems with managing time so I just let it flow. While I’m doing the art module, I can’t help but to recall the book I read which I just read halfway since I don’t like it (and I gave it away as a gift to the girl I courted before. Hehe!). In that book, I saw two portraits: before and after. The author was no artist but she tried to attend a sketching class in her free time (Maybe it’s because of her Happiness Project). Now I realized that I did like that part of the book: the before and after sketching. Before, decades ago, I was a kid who draws a lot. Until now, I still draw but they still look childish (in a nice way perhaps). In our artwork, we did not just draw but painted and colored as well and I’ll just focus on the drawing part though I enjoyed the coloring and painting part. Going back to the before and after part, I might borrow the idea and practice sketching again in my free time. Gonna buy some lumograph and sketchpad and off I go.
So to answer my question, to survive attempt in drawing a portrait means just drawing. Do not complain you are not a good artist. Every chess grandmaster started out as noobs. Or the other way around will do: complain also. Be angry with your attempt and complain you are not an artist so you will fuel your desire to be better and practice more. Or to paraphrase the hooky song from Walk the Moon, just shut up and draw. Desire and practice and you will succeed in your own way.