My status

Hello WordPress,

It has been a while since I wrote an entry here.

There’s a lot of happenings (I hate to use this expression) this past months and I have gone through a lot of transition and change of addresses since March. To paraphrase a tweet I saw on Twitter, is there a life outside my comfort zone?

Within the year, I applied for a Japanese visa. I tried both long term resident visa and missionary visa but it seems I need to use a missionary visa temporarily since I do not know how to speak, read, or write in Japanese language.

We have three Brothers there in Japan and they don’t get any financial subsidy from the Korea-Japan Sector or the Province. I only learned anout this when I visited Kobe community last June and I learned that it is only the pension that supports them in terms of daily finances such as food, transportation, medical expenses, clothing, grooming, toiletries, and other necessities. Because we had a house property and even a school, which we used to manage but no more due to lack of vocation, we look rich from without. Anyway, I do not really know how can I contribute financially if I am not allowed to work using a missionary visa. I might use Patreon, Soundcloud, or even Youtube if there is a need to earn some money.

I only applied for a certificate of eligibility last June and I will need to wait for at least a month or three month at most.

I want to study TESOL in Claret. I do not want to spend money in studying Japanese here in the Philippines so I will just rely on the internet and some friends who knows how to speak, read, and write Japanese.

I want to learn how to drive.

I might visit Japan Foundation in Makati tomorrow but there’s a super typhoon Gardo/Maria right now.

Waiting for a visa without doing any work might have been affecting my self-esteem. Last two years, I have been very important because I taught in school. Now, I just stay in the convent reading, playing sports, surfing the internet, washing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, using a stationary bicycle, watching NBA Finals (last month) and the World Cup 2018.

I feel very powerless, irrelevant, and not-so important.

I feel so irritatable this past few days. I cry sometimes inside my room. I drink beer almost every day. Maybe I am regressing a little bit. I am so down right now and I don’t want to confide it to anyone besides no one can understand me anyway. I feel now the pain of those suffering from Mental health problems; I feel now the sorrow of the psalmist. I did not chose to feel how I feel though. I am like in a state of sorrow. But as our Lord Jesus reminded me in the Gospel, I won’t let my heart be troubled. I won’t let this fox steal my joy. I might not be happy but I still have joy in my heart.

Now on my late 20s, I was like asking myself how did I end up choosing this life I am living right now. It is like I am going to a stage of purgation.

The readings for this Sunday inspired me that it’s not all about me. I feel these maybe because I am proud and egotistical. But just like Saint Paul said, the Lord’s grace is enough. It is when I am weak that I am strong because the Lord Himself is my Consolation. Christ said He has nowhere to rest His head; He who was rejected just because they know His parents and where they live. Christ had undergone through a lot of hardships and trials which compared to mine are nothing.

It is easier to see the things I am lacking and it takes silence and reflection to realize how God is so good to me in providing what I just need and not what I want.

For all the things I have and enjoy, thanks for it.

For the company of my fellow brothers in Marikina community, the brothers in different communities I visited who have been so accommodating and good to me, to my family, friends, fellow teachers, GIA scholars, and former students who have touched my life, thank you very much!

Whatever I say, feel, and do, let God’s name be glorified!

Amen.

Should I be scared to travel alone?

Dear Lord,

This fast few months, I’ve been preparing myself for my transfer to a new community and ministry. I am in the midst of processing my papers for travelling outside the country. Thus, I would be leaving my first apostolate (after MAPAC) which is teaching here in Notre Dame of Cotabato. I’ve been teaching now for three straight years and I don’t know how what to feel once I stop teaching and start learning a new language and be a student once again.

Though I was briefed what’s about to happen, of course I have my own what ifs and other reservations. Like what I said to a fellow brother, I don’t know what will I do there specifically so I’ll just stick to what I know: live as a brother in common life, pray, and even work while studying the language of that country. I know I will travel alone outside the Philippines but there are brothers anticipating my arrival there in my new community.

I admit there is a part in me that doesn’t want to leave asking, “What’s going to happen to me there?”. The prophet Jonah’s travel to Nineveh comes to mind. But unlike him, I feel no hate towards the people I will encounter. I don’t feel like turning back and take a ship going the opposite direction. It’s just that I don’t feel like going out of the Philippines for a long time. I am anxious but I’ll still go and follow what I am told to.

What I am experiencing now humbles me. To some extent, I can influence what I can do in this future apostolate but of course I don’t have the total control of what will happen to me and my future community. It’s a risk I’m willing to take and I entrust my future to my superiors who decided on this.

It’s a different kind of advent for me.

I don’t know where I am going to but in faith, I surrender.

Let Your will be done, not mine.

And let this be my prayer.

Amen.

Community Life with the Brothers

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Hello everyone! As a novice, we are asked to submit personal reflections weekly. I don’t really mind if others read my reflections so I might as well share it here in my blog. For a month, I am assigned in a high school doing some class observations, helping the guidance center, and the campus ministry in doing recollections and retreat. Here is my reflection for the week:

How have I been adjusting to the community these past days? Personally, it’s not that hard to adjust since I can easily relate with the Brothers here in Dadiangas. I was even thinking that my adjustment period here in easier compared to my experience in joining the Aspirancy House and the Novitiate. Last Wednesday, it’s my first time to see Br. Crispin inside the house as the community agreed to meet for the community meeting and the Community Life Plan (CLP). Compared to our CLP in the Novitiate, our meeting was very fast since it only took us approximately an hour to finish and that already includes the revisions, July Activities, and other concerns. Continue reading