Review of the day

Though I am not a Jesuit or well versed in Ignatian Spirituality, I practice the examen. I learned about it when I entered Marist novitiate. We call it as the review of the day. Done every evening, we spend at least 15 minutes to think about the graces we received throughout the day. We thank about the people we encountered, the events that had transpired, new learnings, and other things worth recalling. After the end of our examen, sometimes we recite the confiteor where we pray about our shortcomings, what we have done and have failed to do. In active school ministry, five to ten minutes of the review is already a luxury.

This evening, I was late in our prayers because I talked to one student and I supervised the students in cleaning our classroom. Wednesday evening is dedicated to a Marian prayer. We prayed thr rosary. During the pause after the Salve, I brought to my prayer the one student I scolded because she had incurred nineteen absences, most of them unexcused and spent just cutting classes. I prayed and I hoped that my scolding was an expression of an honest anger because I care for this student.

After our evening community prayer, I picked up a guitar I borrowed and I remembered the “storm” last Monday even while plucking and strumming fledgingly. Actually, I dreamnt of Agnus sitting inside a chapel and I sat beside Agnus. Afterwards, I read again the “storm” conversation that talked about me in a public post somewhere in social media and I viewed it in a different perspective; detached and unaffected. I actually didn’t exert effort. It just “flowed”. As one Sri Lankan Brother told me last year, the better word is equanimity. I imagined talking to Agnus privately; listening to each other. Not trying to convince or win over Agnus but to understand and be compassionate with this person. How does it feel to spread hatred against others? How lonely it is to live a life full of hate in one’s heart?

I somehow get now what Bishop Barron was talking about in one of his podcast episode in Word On Fire. The true test of love for others really is to love our enemies. To love them as the “other” and not just an extension of oneself.

To have an idea what is an examen, you may download the Daily Examen application in Google Play.

How to overcome the feeling of being out of your comfort zone?

I feel like the Easter joy hasn’t really sink in me. Or maybe it rubbed off me but it just subsided. If you feel so down, feel free to join me in my activity.

Review of the past: A writing activity
This is very simple. I’ll just do an activity that will help me situate my feelings. Just jot down what happened for the past two years, all the good and the bad. Borrowing Ignatian Discernment, let’s write down all consolations and desolations. And this is my entry:

Before (past two years)
Studies, LET, one year teaching, contact with the youth, catechism classes, more theological studies, international community living, and stay in my hometown, over exposure to technology, cooking practice, watering plants, washing my clothes, practicing of using iron, visit to my family, contact with parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, visit to my relatives, grandparents, cousins, outings, recollection, Retreats, spiritual direction, fraternal accompaniment, basketball, soccer, running, reading books, and blogging. I have a lot to thank for.

Now (this past three weeks)
No daily Mass, no exercise, bumming, more time in silence, different language, rural living, fireflies in my room, crickets and frogs singing, adorable cats, frightening dogs, strong cellular signal, drinking Lipton tea almost every meal, two to three hours conversation while eating, all male in the community, and a vacation ministry. 

Reflection
I think I’m still in the transition period. I might be still adjusting from being removed from my comfort zone. I’m thankful I wrote this so I can be grateful for all the blessings I got and not just focus on what I lack.