How I take responsibility for my actions

In the film The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, there was a dialogue that stuck in me when Bilbo Baggins saw Smaug about to fly off to Laketown. He said, “What have we done?”

I remembered this line because it talks about accepting one’s fault even though a one did not intended the consequences of one’s actions. For example, acting in good faith. I may have the best-est of all intentions but if I end up messing up, as a cliché says, the end does not justify the means.

While I was playing a video game, I remembered my recent interactions with some subordinates. I think I’ve done something wrong and they hinted it through a passive-aggresive remark and until now I am still wondering what exactly I did wrong. When I assume leadership, I admit I sometimes tend to overlook some people in the group particularly those who seem to be so sensitive. I never intend to do so but whenever I do overlook some people, I see now the pattern how these people react. And four out of four of them happened to have some father issues.

Maybe a family problem? Probably transference? Seeing me as their father figure? Am I too intimidating? Or maybe I’m just overthinking or rationalizing. I have to stop seeking the fault outside myself now.

I have to remind myself again that what’s done is done; I can’t bring back the time; I am not fail-proof; I am failure-prone; I cannot do it all; I cannot control the results. And sometimes even if it’s not my fault, I cannot make everything feel alright. It’s out of my reach. Or maybe it’s because I’m just a people pleaser. But I’m bound to fail because I can’t please everybody. And as the lyrics of a song goes, I did my best but I guess my best wasn’t good enough.

This is were humility comes. I now let St. Catherine of Siena to remind me that I am not who I think I am. I may have done something wrong, so mea culpa. So I now let it go and let the Lord do His work. I’ll try again next time and let tomorrow worry about itself.

And this is how an introverted and intuitive thinker perceives his interactions with others when he sees something’s wrong and he thinks he’s the problem though he’s not (or maybe he really is the problem).

An Open Letter to Nur Misuari

Dear Sir Nur Misuari,

I know you are a good leader with real concern for your fellow Moros and your potentially rich land. I know you started the rebel group because of a stupid leader we had in the past who started Martial Law. I believe that if not for him, you wouldn’t be doing this events now.

But with the siege in Zamboanga, I’m starting to think the other way around. For the past weeks, I cannot help but to think that there’s a megalomaniac leading a rebellion and wanted to separate from the country. That megalomaniac blew his chance to uplift his people when he lived lavishly as a governor, using 10M pesos in travel expenses alone. Isn’t that you? Can you see yourself in the mirror? You’re a good leader, right? Why are you doing this?

Recently, I learned that in the 1970s, Jolo had a great tragedy when 20,000 people died from fire. Up until now, we don’t know who’s responsible of that unfortunate event. According to the rebels, it’s the government who started it and the government says that it’s the rebels who did it. I think this blaming game is also happening right now. Regardless of who started this events, it’s the powerless people that suffers. Power, like fire, can be used for a man to cook or it can cook a man.

So now, what’s next? Are you going to keep on fighting when the innocent people are suffering as a consequence? I know you can do better than this.

I want to be a Resource Speaker someday

I was able to attend a leadership training not as a participant but as an observer. With a very good resource speaker coming from De La Salle Manila, I’m very inspired to be a resource speaker as well in the future.

While observing, I can feel the inner desire of bringing out the best of other people. I know I am called to be a teacher but there’s still a long way to go for me in terms of public speaking. I have the brains and I have the voice but what I need is the self-esteem.

I hope talk watching more TED Talks will inspire me to conquer my fear of public speaking, just like what Susan Cain did in her wonderful talk about introverts.

I know I can do it. I just need to stick out with my purpose and be a BOBO:

• Bring Out the Best in Ourselves

or

• Bring Out the Best in Others