A letter to a Mother

Dear Mama,

I just want to talk to you. These past days have been so stressful I needed to unwind through drinking beer. Also, I have been so much junk food in my free time. I think I had too much pork in me that my chest is aching sometimes. Remind me that I have the tendency to be a glutton.

Sometimes Mama, I can’t help but to click on the profile pictures of some ladies in social media. I’ll just notice later on that I am already ogling at their photos. I know I am attracted to beauty and this attraction is somehow a blessing and a curse to me. Please teach me chastity and respect to your fellow women.

Last night, I played basketball. I can still play a whole game so we still got stamina in here. At the end of the game, I got too cocky I hanged on the ring and my legs wobbled when I landed. Fatigue or wrong landing maybe. Thankfully, it’s not cramps or a muscle injury. Remind me that I have the tendency to be proud and show off. Teach me humility.

I’m thankful that I got to sleep early last night. But usually, I can’t sleep early in the evening so I stay up until night with my phone in my hands or listening to a podcast until I drop. I caught myself scratching my left eye this morning, 4:30am. I forgot I had it operated. Don’t want to lose sight yet. Though I haven’t able to sleep again until 6am. Also, I am not praying that much lately. Or even spending time just to reflect. I can’t even focus and finish a book like I used to. I am again feeling restless. But remind me that I will feel this way as long as I live until I rest in the Lord. Lead me to your Son, Jesus our Brother, who promised that He will give us rest. 

And by the way, I would like to greet you a happy birthday, Mama Mary. Thank you for being a Good Mother to us.

From your son,

Allen

How to keep smiling as you wake up in the morning?

For some reason, waking up for me is pleasurable for the past two days. This is strange since I usually don’t wake up during my phone’s alarm. And whenever I wake up, I feel unwell. It’s either I still wanted to extend my sleep or I feel like having a fever. And the reason? If there comes the time when I will find waking up at 5:30am in the morning, that would be a good reason to feel well in the waking up. But so far, waking up during these two days are the reasons for me to smile. Is it because of a cool temperature or an uninterrupted sleep? I think that would be a yes for both. So later this night, as I lay down on my bed, I will let go of anything that burdens me be it anger, heartache, unfinished work, or whatever. As my Brother said, let tomorrow worry about itself. Let go.

How to sleep well?

I long to have a good night sleep. Probably its because I haven’t adjusted yet to my new environment here since from the quiet halls of the convent, I just transferred to a Brothers’ Residence with Brothers who are very much active with their ministries. I think it’s more on the lifestyle and not the people with me here. I love interacting with them during meal times and there’s no really problem with our relationships here.

How can I have a good sleep? Less time in front of the computer maybe. An article in Readers’ Digest wrote about keeping away from the computer 10 pm onward. Its for the body not to be tricked by the synthetic light since the brain might think that it’s still daytime. If I feel like writing, instead of writing a journal with a computer, I’d rather grab a pen and write in a notebook once it’s already time for sleeping.

Another thing that must be done, and what I really long to do, is to have a regular time for exercise. For almost four weeks, I only played four pickup games of basketball. Though not playing that much, at least I can still shoot threes 5 in a row and hang on the rim. Knowing my schedule first and setting up the exercise in my free time will do that. I’m not really the kind of person who plans but if it’s for my own good, then I’ll try. I just don’t know if I’ll do it.

Why should I bother to sleep early? To function properly during the day; To be less irritable; To have a sharp memory; To catch dreams; to make my dreams happen not just in dream world but also in the waking world; and to be energized enough to serve my neighbors.

I just hope that waking up without an alarm will keep on working until I come back to the comforts of our novitiate. I know I can get through this.